Reminiscing about the good old ‘naked ping pong’ days!

I’m not actively dating at present, far too much going on to invest the time. My key distraction / excuse is a house refurbishment, with the aim of not having to live through another winter with no heating. Yes, really in 2017 in the UK I’ve not had any heating. I also have two broken toilets, only one can be used and you have to flush it manually. And no hot water on demand either. Anyway, am not moaning about it as it is a lovely house and I am lucky to have it – but there is a lot to do and bit by bit (when I’ve saved up funds) I am trying to get things improved. Latest mini project is to get 1) a gas supply and then 2) a central heating system installed this summer.

Don’t worry I am not planning to turn a dating blog into a ‘how not to renovate your home’ blog, but as I have no recent dating experiences to write about, thought I would share the latest messages I have received on OkCupid in the last few weeks.

I have provided a score and commentary for each.

I have rated them from 1 to 7, where 7 is good and 1 is dire – do you agree with the ratings?

Hi there how are you? You look gorgeous ūüėČ ¬†

This is pretty standard, but is positive and a relatively good opener – but I don’t like the wink, so it gets a 4 from me

Hey fancy a chat sowetime?  

Although a question mark has been used, the spelling mistake / typo does put me off and I don’t really like ‘chatting’ to be honest, so it’s a 1

How are you doing

Utterly turgid, shows no thought, and no question mark. Never going to get a reply from me, it’s a 1 (and only gets a score because the words ‘are and you’ have been used rather than RU.¬†

Also, unless you’re Joey from Friends, never ask me this.¬†

Hi.. How are you?

As above, but slightly higher mark (1.5) as has used a question mark. Seriously I am tempted to reply to one of these ‘how are you’ questions with the truth one day…

…”Oh, like thanks for asking the last few weeks have been really challenging. My car tax, insurance and MOT are all due and I’ve just found out that the car requires ¬£700 spent on it to pass the MOT. Also I’m in arrears with the electricity supplier and owe them ¬£300 which they’re chasing for. And I was ill last week with a stomach bug and vomitted on my shoes – twice. Other than that I am just tickkety boo thanks – how RU”?

Good morning you ok?

As above, score 1.5. Such a boring way to try and open a conversation. I have written a profile – find something in there to comment on and ask me about it. Having said that, one guy picked up on the fact that I last updated my profile a year ago post-Brexit whilst in a real rage and wrote ‘leavers need not apply’ or something of that ilk. One guy in April sent me a message telling me that I should be over it by now and need to put it in the past. Whatever – he didn’t get a reply either.

Loving your pics hunny, your stunning but I’m guessing by age might put you off me

Okay, well I really don’t like being called ‘hunny’, I’ve never been a fan of any kind of pet names – yuck. But my issue with this, and the reason he didn’t get a response was two-fold. Firstly he’s 34! Only a few years younger than me, and I’ve been dating someone ten years my junior for years – why would he think age is an issue? Obviously it must be for him – so he can jog on. Then secondly, he lives in Birmingham – so I am guessing that he’s not actually up for dating anyway and I live miles away in a different city and have never been a fan of the long-distance love affair! Score – 1.5

Lovely photos (licking lips smiley face)

Score is 0 – a licking lips smiley face – oh really, this makes me feel a bit sick. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Hi xx are you up for a chat?

I think you can guess a rough score – it’s a 1 from me.

So there we go. Not a rich vein of dating options for me on OkCupid recently – or am I being far too picky? Is it normal to get this low quality of message?

Anyway, at least I am getting messages. On Tinder I have not received a message for months (admittedly have rarely been on there). I am feeling a bit awkward because someone I know keeps coming up, and I suspect his mates have got hold of his phone and swiped right for a laugh! I don’t want to swipe him left, so my Tinder keeps getting stuck on his face – so I see it every time I open the app – aggghh!

Hope to have something to write about in a few weeks, if a more interesting message comes through in the meantime I shall let you know.

I know it’s bad to live in the past – but I do hanker for the good old days when I used to get messages like ‘naked ping pong – yes?’

Ping pong bat

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t panic, still got it at 40!

Great news – it seems I’ve still got it’! Wasn’t sure I ever ‘had it’ to be honest, but seems that I’m not completely ready for spinster times yet.

So I’ve not been out much recently – I quite like being the stay at home with my cat type as it goes! So I’ve not put myself in a position where I’d have a chance to meet any men lately, but that changed at the weekend¬†when I ‘accidentally’ drank more than was advisable and found myself out in town with a few friends.

It ended up being quite a laugh, and – to my great surprise I had someone under the age of 25 repeatedly try it on with me (for the record – every time I politely declined his advances). Oh and guess what – he’s got a girlfriend¬†who he’d been happily telling me about. Then later on that evening, I was getting on well with someone closer to my age. Nothing happened, but it was nice to remind myself that I can go out and speak to men without getting completely tongue tied – obviously the alcohol may have helped.

The upshot of this all is that, the hangover was made slightly better because it felt good to be reminded that there are men out there who might be interested – I just need to find the good ones who don’t already have girlfriends or wives.

Blast from the past

It was a really interesting weekend for me.

Saturday was 4 years to the day that I split up with my ex. I only know that because I know that because after we split I had to get out of the house and I went into town with my sister on an Easter egg hunt, and a photo reminder popped up in Facebook on Saturday – ‘4 years ago today’. I spent a moment reminiscing about how much had changed and how much happier I was now – whilst trying of course to focus on the positives and not be annoyed that he is the one in a relationship now whilst I am still single!

Anyway, I didn’t give it a second thought and carried on with my day. Then mid afternoon I was allowing myself a moment of relaxation – ignoring the fact there there was (is) a carpet of dust and cat hair across the whole house which the lovely sun was showing up so impressively with what light could get through the very dirty windows that is! Whilst in this happy state I something made me look for the name of an old friend in the Facebook search bar. I’ve only searched for this friend once before and it must have been many many moons ago. Yet this time, there he was. He’d last posted in 2009, so I had little hope of hearing back from him – but I could tell from the photo that it was definitely him. I was over the moon when minutes after sending the friend request I got a message from him. He’s had a really interesting life in the many years since I have seen him, and is now settled with a girlfriend and hoping to move in with her soon. I am really pleased that after some ups and downs things seem to be working out well for him as from the time I knew him I remember him as a friendly and kind chap.

I heard someone talking about the film ‘Sliding Doors’ this weekend, where ‘what if’ scenarios are considered and explored – and this is one of those for me. When we were friends I saw interested in another guy (who I now have no contact with), and ended up meeting my ex. at this time to and then spending 12 years with him. My friend used to work in a pub and introduced me to a colleague of his as ‘my girlfriend’ and I remember laughing and saying, no, I am not – I am his flatmate. Possibly regrettable, as by the time I realised that I did really like him too – he was dating someone else, and then we moved away – and I’d not heard from him since until this weekend. It was easy to loose contact with people in the days before the prevalence of social media and internet searches. So that is my ‘What If’ moment. What if I had started going out with him. Would I have left Oxford and moved to London? Would I have had the same career. Would we have made it, would we have a family. Of course, none of this matters as that is not how it worked out, and we are now just people who used to know each other years ago and have fond memories of the time we spent together, and I expect that is how it will stay. We now live in different, have different lives and are no longer the kids we were – kicking about and moving from one adventure to the next. That said, I’d love to meet up with him and look at old photos and laugh about the past.

And then from the sublime to the ridiculous. Whilst remembering the past, an old match on Tinder who had been out of touch for over a year got in touch. I replied initially, but within 3 messages he had made his intentions clear, and they weren’t especially romantic. There followed a chain of messages which I didn’t see till later,¬†repeatedly asking the same questions. Had to block him because he did something which is also one of my pet hates – sent a message that was just a question mark. I find ? really aggressive. So what, I’ve not instantly replied to your message – I’m busy you loser. And if you send me ‘?’ you’re going to have really yanked my chain. When I responded I tried to be polite, saying that the fact we lived in different cities would make it very difficult and that I was not really interested. This spawned a few more messages and then – of course – the multiple question mark. Yep ‘????’, which can only mean one thing for me – time to block and move on.

 

 

 

When you get dumped on social media

Or, less sensationalist and more accurate – when you find out a guy you’ve been dating for years has a girlfriend.

So last week a photo of the Italian pops up, and he’s with a girl I’ve never heard of and it looks like they’re at departures – heading off on hols. A stream of perfect couple holiday snaps followed. So, wow – thanks for telling me you had a girlfriend mate! I only saw him a few weeks ago, so there’s no excuse.

So, that had probably run it’s course, but it is over now – but honestly – what a way to find out. Modern life really is rubbish! But I suppose it is better than blissful ignorance. They’re still on their holiday I think, and it’s Valentine’s Day – so I can’t wait to see the wedding or engagement pics and offer my congratulations.

Other than that, Valentine’s Day has been okay. I treated myself to lunch st the Harvester with kids whippy ice cream cone, and am now watching the snooker, wrapped up in a blanket and clutching a hot water bottle trying not to think about the Silver Fox!

Looks like it’s finally over with him too. I tested him slightly last month, suggesting a way he could make more of a commitment – and guess what – he’s pulled away. I’ve twice invited him to come and stay ¬†(it is a year since he did so), and he declined. So the only times we’ve met up in last 12 months have all been when I’ve gone to see him. As I now don’t have a pot to piss in, those trips will stop.

So, there you go. Another single Valentine’s Day – but I still believe it’s better than being in a relationship with someone who makes you unhappy.

Topsy Turvy

It’s been a pretty standard start to the year for me – fitness goals rather that dating goals!

I’m holding back on signing up for another half marathon at present, because seem to pick up a lot of boggles and injuries these days (old age!), so don’t want to commit to the training just yet.

I’m in two sports teams, so doing varied training and match play each week – and am going to top that up with running and swimming. I’ve also started getting up early and doing a dance class / exercise game before work. So that’s all positive, and I’m looking forward to pancake day and so Lent starting next month – time to give up all the refined sugar.

I’ve been up to London and seen the two beaus already this year – but – yet again got bad vibes and think it might be over. silver fox seemed pretty dismissive and unbothered about whether I was there or not, and I’ve invited him twice in the last few weeks to visit me – which he has declined, which I think speaks volumes.

After a few shaky moments last year, the Italian had been back in the good books. He sent sweet texts over Christmas and Nee Year, but when I saw him last week – it felt awkward. I don’t know why, I think maybe it’s just going to fizzle out as we see each other so infrequently.

I am really skint at the moment, o unlikely to be able to visit again fur a few months, I’ll see if either of them contact me in the meantime.

It’s pretty inconvenient having live interests so far away, so I suppose I should look to find someone to hang out with locally.

With that in mind, I did go on Tinder fur the first time in ages yesterday. Got a new match and we’re exchanging messages – will see if that goes anywhere!

It’s been months since anyone sent me a message on Tinder, and that is how I met the Italian all those years ago, so I’ll stick with it for a bit and see what happens.

In the very unlikely circumstance that I get a date, I’ll do a write up here.

My Single Christmas!

christmas-16I can’t tell you¬†how happy I am to be single this Christmas!

I had to do a spreadsheet for December because I was so busy – only had one night free from 01st – 23rd December, and it’s been an absolute blast!

I’ve had work, karaoke, concerts, church, netball and rugby socials, and plenty of carol singing!

I suppose that this time of year is quite difficult for a lot of people who don’t want to be on their own, but for me it has been brilliant as I’ve not had to worry about fitting in with anyone else’s schedule, and have been able to selfishly do exactly what I want, when I want it ¬†everyday so far in the run up to Christmas.

We’re having a big family Christmas this year and I can smugly report that all my shopping and baking is (nearly) done, and all the presents are wrapped and ready to take round to mums and give out.

A few things I learnt this month:

  1. carol signing is fun – but we did door to door last night and my fingers have only just thawed enough to allow me to type this post!
  2. driving for 9 hours to a meeting and back the day of the office party is not ideal, and leaves you a little tired for the main event!
  3. it’s not possible to do everything, just do what you can
  4. doing things for charity and for others gives a very strong feeling of Christmas Spirit
  5. having good friends to share the season with is important to me
  6. get a big enough bowl to mix 2 Christmas puddings in
  7. everyone loves vintage baubles and cake decorations (or they’re very polite!)

So it has been a really fun month, but I am pretty exhausted now as a goodly dose of illness has been thrown in there for good measure of course. I am looking forward to finishing work for a few days and seeing the family. Can’t say I’ll catch up on any sleep as I think that is highly unlikely! I will try to get out for a run at some point through as with a ¬†break in netball and rugby for the holidays, my fitness could plummet.

And for those of you who follow the blog regularly – a little update on the two romeos.

I saw them both at the beginning of the month. The Italian came round for a bit on the Saturday night and we met in a pub. It was great to see him, and – hilariously after 3 years + of dating, he accepted a friend request on Facebook that I sent him over a year ago!

What does that mean – who knows, but maybe we are friends now ūüôā

I saw the Silverfox the following morning, he came and joined me for breakfast in the hotel and we chatted for an hour or so before he had to go to work. We have exchanged a few festive texts this week, and I’ll see if I hear from him over the holidays now.

There is a plan to meet up with them both in mid-Jan, which is going to be upon us very quickly indeed!

So, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and share my joy at being single for another year!

It’s time for (more) change

So the observant amongst you will have noticed that I have been single for more than just one summer now, and that I have not dated much since moving cities last year.

I’ve not been feeling the need to find a man – for three main reasons; firstly that I don’t want to make the time to share my life with someone. I am really busy with my own things and don’t want to give any of that up yet. Secondly, my confidence is very low and I don’t want to put myself out there. And thirdly – I am still seeing the Silver Fox and Italian on occasion.

But, that’s not to say that things are negative, they’re really not – most of the time I am really happy with the way things have worked out!

I met up with a cousin who I have not seen fur years last week, and it was great to see her – but also really interesting.

We are a similar age, but our lives are so different. She has three children and her job is the look after them. She is married and lives in a big city. I have no children, no partner, work full time and live in a small town. But we are very similar in outlook and attitude. I was really touched when she emailed me this week to say she lauded my bravery in making the big changes in my life over the years since we last met. We’re going to keep in touch more regularly I hope, and as she rightly said – there is so much more to talk about.

She is more right than she realises as I have decided to do something else brave. It doesn’t really involve dating, but I’ll write about it occasionally in this blog I expect.