Halloween with the regulars

It must be 4 years since I had started dating after the break up, as I remember one of my strangest dates which was around Halloween. It was a bit scary – in a comical way. You can read about it in the library of blogs on this site, but in summary he was wierd as, offered to buy me a car and proposed as he walked me back to the station!

No dating for me this Halloween – so by definition no proposals, but I have just uploaded my profile to Bumble. I’ve tried OkCupid, Tinder, Badoo and Match.com to meet men online with varying success. I gave up on Match pretty early on, met quite a few guys from OkCupid, and always glad I used Tinder as ‘the Italian’ was one of my first ever matches! From memory I don’t think that I ever hooked up with anyone on Badoo. Across those sites I’ve had a variety of dates and hook ups, and only had to block 2 guys who were creeps.

So, now seems a good time to try a new app, and a few girlfriends have recommended or mentioned it. I’ve just activated my profile today – with as many recent photos as I have on Facebook – no point putting up pics of me in my twenties – or even thirties for that matter!

And so to this Halloween, don’t think I’ll get a date on Bumble this quickly, but I have seen the Silver Fox and The Italian this week! I enjoyed seeing them both – especially SF of course. But both gave me stresses, one by being late and one by being early.

The Italian was an hour late with no notice, so we had very limited time together as I had to go to a meeting.Silver fox went the other way and texted me to say he was 5 minutes away when I was still in bed. I delayed him for 5 minutes by asking him to stop and get coffee, so ended up having to meet him with no makeup and bed hair – I hadn’t even put a brush through it! He didn’t seem to notice or care, and it was really good to see him. He was even able to give me some tax advice.

I’ve also decided that my ‘type’ or ‘ideal man’ is Sergio from Kasabian!

So, another Halloween with the regulars, and you never know – if I have any luck on Bumble I might meet someone new before the end of the year.

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Do as I say, not as I do!

As you get older, people assume you mature and experienced, and sometimes ask you for advice. If asked, I’m more than happy to share my opinion, but it does seem to revolve around the ‘don’t make the same mistakes as me’ nonsense – which you know that no-one will ever listen to! Everyone has to make their own mistakes – definitely when it comes to relationships.

Truly, has anyone ever taken advice, or given it and had it heeded? I don’t think either has happened for me!

So over the last few days I’ve been thinking – what advice would I give myself?

Firstly – try to like yourself a bit more and stop being so hard on yourself.

Secondly – stop wasting your time on The Silverfox, you love him – but he doesn’t care about you, you’re just a pleasant distraction for him. It’s toxic.

Thirdly, The Non-Italian, just kick him to touch. He’s ridiculously good looking, but you’ve been using each other for four years now. You don’t have any feelings for him, so cut him loose and end it now!

Once you do the above, you can get on with whatever’s next.

So that’s my advice to me, bet you can guess if I act on it or not.

Fitness game is back on

Right then, flax, cyber vinegar, chia, matcha – I’ve got the lot! Doctor told me to try a low GI diet, and that’s going fine – and I’m going for it with the smoothies and seeds and stuff too. Couple of weeks in, no weight loss yet, but I’m enjoying the challenge. Except doing hours of food prep every day – that’s a pain in the ‘nads.

It’s also pre-season time in both netball and rugby – so there’s a lot of fitness training happening. 2 or 3 circuit sessions a week, rugby training, boxercise, trampolining, swimming – its all going on – except running, I’m not managing to torture the pavements, trails and parks at the moment. Mainly because with everything else I’m struggling to find the time – but I do want to try and do a few early morning jogs before work.

Small signs of improvement to my core strength, so I’ll keep going with it as I enjoy it anyway. Thing it, it does mean I have a massive excuse for not dating because I have no time for social stuff outside of work and training. Obviously this is just an excuse, but I’m sticking to it.

I saw the Silver Fox last week and he asked me if was seeing anyone, and I said no, and when he asked why I think I said ‘there are no men I fancy’, which is true, but I’m not looking very hard!

Saw the Non-Italian last week too, still not had the courage to sack him off – he’s definitely a rotter, but also incredible looking and good company, so it’s a hard habit to break.

Whilst I’ve been writing this I’ve had a message from a guy on OkCupid, and for once it’s not ‘how r u’. This man has taken the time to tell me a bit about himself and read my profile – so I’ll go and have a look at his profile now and see if I am bold enough to reply!

Reminiscing about the good old ‘naked ping pong’ days!

I’m not actively dating at present, far too much going on to invest the time. My key distraction / excuse is a house refurbishment, with the aim of not having to live through another winter with no heating. Yes, really in 2017 in the UK I’ve not had any heating. I also have two broken toilets, only one can be used and you have to flush it manually. And no hot water on demand either. Anyway, am not moaning about it as it is a lovely house and I am lucky to have it – but there is a lot to do and bit by bit (when I’ve saved up funds) I am trying to get things improved. Latest mini project is to get 1) a gas supply and then 2) a central heating system installed this summer.

Don’t worry I am not planning to turn a dating blog into a ‘how not to renovate your home’ blog, but as I have no recent dating experiences to write about, thought I would share the latest messages I have received on OkCupid in the last few weeks.

I have provided a score and commentary for each.

I have rated them from 1 to 7, where 7 is good and 1 is dire – do you agree with the ratings?

Hi there how are you? You look gorgeous 😉  

This is pretty standard, but is positive and a relatively good opener – but I don’t like the wink, so it gets a 4 from me

Hey fancy a chat sowetime?  

Although a question mark has been used, the spelling mistake / typo does put me off and I don’t really like ‘chatting’ to be honest, so it’s a 1

How are you doing

Utterly turgid, shows no thought, and no question mark. Never going to get a reply from me, it’s a 1 (and only gets a score because the words ‘are and you’ have been used rather than RU. 

Also, unless you’re Joey from Friends, never ask me this. 

Hi.. How are you?

As above, but slightly higher mark (1.5) as has used a question mark. Seriously I am tempted to reply to one of these ‘how are you’ questions with the truth one day…

…”Oh, like thanks for asking the last few weeks have been really challenging. My car tax, insurance and MOT are all due and I’ve just found out that the car requires £700 spent on it to pass the MOT. Also I’m in arrears with the electricity supplier and owe them £300 which they’re chasing for. And I was ill last week with a stomach bug and vomitted on my shoes – twice. Other than that I am just tickkety boo thanks – how RU”?

Good morning you ok?

As above, score 1.5. Such a boring way to try and open a conversation. I have written a profile – find something in there to comment on and ask me about it. Having said that, one guy picked up on the fact that I last updated my profile a year ago post-Brexit whilst in a real rage and wrote ‘leavers need not apply’ or something of that ilk. One guy in April sent me a message telling me that I should be over it by now and need to put it in the past. Whatever – he didn’t get a reply either.

Loving your pics hunny, your stunning but I’m guessing by age might put you off me

Okay, well I really don’t like being called ‘hunny’, I’ve never been a fan of any kind of pet names – yuck. But my issue with this, and the reason he didn’t get a response was two-fold. Firstly he’s 34! Only a few years younger than me, and I’ve been dating someone ten years my junior for years – why would he think age is an issue? Obviously it must be for him – so he can jog on. Then secondly, he lives in Birmingham – so I am guessing that he’s not actually up for dating anyway and I live miles away in a different city and have never been a fan of the long-distance love affair! Score – 1.5

Lovely photos (licking lips smiley face)

Score is 0 – a licking lips smiley face – oh really, this makes me feel a bit sick. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Hi xx are you up for a chat?

I think you can guess a rough score – it’s a 1 from me.

So there we go. Not a rich vein of dating options for me on OkCupid recently – or am I being far too picky? Is it normal to get this low quality of message?

Anyway, at least I am getting messages. On Tinder I have not received a message for months (admittedly have rarely been on there). I am feeling a bit awkward because someone I know keeps coming up, and I suspect his mates have got hold of his phone and swiped right for a laugh! I don’t want to swipe him left, so my Tinder keeps getting stuck on his face – so I see it every time I open the app – aggghh!

Hope to have something to write about in a few weeks, if a more interesting message comes through in the meantime I shall let you know.

I know it’s bad to live in the past – but I do hanker for the good old days when I used to get messages like ‘naked ping pong – yes?’

Ping pong bat

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t panic, still got it at 40!

Great news – it seems I’ve still got it’! Wasn’t sure I ever ‘had it’ to be honest, but seems that I’m not completely ready for spinster times yet.

So I’ve not been out much recently – I quite like being the stay at home with my cat type as it goes! So I’ve not put myself in a position where I’d have a chance to meet any men lately, but that changed at the weekend when I ‘accidentally’ drank more than was advisable and found myself out in town with a few friends.

It ended up being quite a laugh, and – to my great surprise I had someone under the age of 25 repeatedly try it on with me (for the record – every time I politely declined his advances). Oh and guess what – he’s got a girlfriend who he’d been happily telling me about. Then later on that evening, I was getting on well with someone closer to my age. Nothing happened, but it was nice to remind myself that I can go out and speak to men without getting completely tongue tied – obviously the alcohol may have helped.

The upshot of this all is that, the hangover was made slightly better because it felt good to be reminded that there are men out there who might be interested – I just need to find the good ones who don’t already have girlfriends or wives.

Blast from the past

It was a really interesting weekend for me.

Saturday was 4 years to the day that I split up with my ex. I only know that because I know that because after we split I had to get out of the house and I went into town with my sister on an Easter egg hunt, and a photo reminder popped up in Facebook on Saturday – ‘4 years ago today’. I spent a moment reminiscing about how much had changed and how much happier I was now – whilst trying of course to focus on the positives and not be annoyed that he is the one in a relationship now whilst I am still single!

Anyway, I didn’t give it a second thought and carried on with my day. Then mid afternoon I was allowing myself a moment of relaxation – ignoring the fact there there was (is) a carpet of dust and cat hair across the whole house which the lovely sun was showing up so impressively with what light could get through the very dirty windows that is! Whilst in this happy state I something made me look for the name of an old friend in the Facebook search bar. I’ve only searched for this friend once before and it must have been many many moons ago. Yet this time, there he was. He’d last posted in 2009, so I had little hope of hearing back from him – but I could tell from the photo that it was definitely him. I was over the moon when minutes after sending the friend request I got a message from him. He’s had a really interesting life in the many years since I have seen him, and is now settled with a girlfriend and hoping to move in with her soon. I am really pleased that after some ups and downs things seem to be working out well for him as from the time I knew him I remember him as a friendly and kind chap.

I heard someone talking about the film ‘Sliding Doors’ this weekend, where ‘what if’ scenarios are considered and explored – and this is one of those for me. When we were friends I saw interested in another guy (who I now have no contact with), and ended up meeting my ex. at this time to and then spending 12 years with him. My friend used to work in a pub and introduced me to a colleague of his as ‘my girlfriend’ and I remember laughing and saying, no, I am not – I am his flatmate. Possibly regrettable, as by the time I realised that I did really like him too – he was dating someone else, and then we moved away – and I’d not heard from him since until this weekend. It was easy to loose contact with people in the days before the prevalence of social media and internet searches. So that is my ‘What If’ moment. What if I had started going out with him. Would I have left Oxford and moved to London? Would I have had the same career. Would we have made it, would we have a family. Of course, none of this matters as that is not how it worked out, and we are now just people who used to know each other years ago and have fond memories of the time we spent together, and I expect that is how it will stay. We now live in different, have different lives and are no longer the kids we were – kicking about and moving from one adventure to the next. That said, I’d love to meet up with him and look at old photos and laugh about the past.

And then from the sublime to the ridiculous. Whilst remembering the past, an old match on Tinder who had been out of touch for over a year got in touch. I replied initially, but within 3 messages he had made his intentions clear, and they weren’t especially romantic. There followed a chain of messages which I didn’t see till later, repeatedly asking the same questions. Had to block him because he did something which is also one of my pet hates – sent a message that was just a question mark. I find ? really aggressive. So what, I’ve not instantly replied to your message – I’m busy you loser. And if you send me ‘?’ you’re going to have really yanked my chain. When I responded I tried to be polite, saying that the fact we lived in different cities would make it very difficult and that I was not really interested. This spawned a few more messages and then – of course – the multiple question mark. Yep ‘????’, which can only mean one thing for me – time to block and move on.

 

 

 

When you get dumped on social media

Or, less sensationalist and more accurate – when you find out a guy you’ve been dating for years has a girlfriend.

So last week a photo of the Italian pops up, and he’s with a girl I’ve never heard of and it looks like they’re at departures – heading off on hols. A stream of perfect couple holiday snaps followed. So, wow – thanks for telling me you had a girlfriend mate! I only saw him a few weeks ago, so there’s no excuse.

So, that had probably run it’s course, but it is over now – but honestly – what a way to find out. Modern life really is rubbish! But I suppose it is better than blissful ignorance. They’re still on their holiday I think, and it’s Valentine’s Day – so I can’t wait to see the wedding or engagement pics and offer my congratulations.

Other than that, Valentine’s Day has been okay. I treated myself to lunch st the Harvester with kids whippy ice cream cone, and am now watching the snooker, wrapped up in a blanket and clutching a hot water bottle trying not to think about the Silver Fox!

Looks like it’s finally over with him too. I tested him slightly last month, suggesting a way he could make more of a commitment – and guess what – he’s pulled away. I’ve twice invited him to come and stay  (it is a year since he did so), and he declined. So the only times we’ve met up in last 12 months have all been when I’ve gone to see him. As I now don’t have a pot to piss in, those trips will stop.

So, there you go. Another single Valentine’s Day – but I still believe it’s better than being in a relationship with someone who makes you unhappy.